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Henny Youngman
American
March 16, 1906
Comedian
You look like a talent scout for a cemetery.
Henny Youngman
Tags:
You
Like
Look
Why don't Jews drink? It interferes with their suffering.
Henny Youngman
Tags:
Why
Drink
Suffering
Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.
Henny Youngman
Tags:
Much
Why
Worth
I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock.
Henny Youngman
Tags:
Money
Got
Need
The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.
Henny Youngman
Tags:
Kept
Slow
Horse
When I told my doctor I couldn't afford an operation, he offered to touch-up my X-rays.
Henny Youngman
Tags:
He
Doctor
Afford
Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
Henny Youngman
Tags:
Just
Got
Back
I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me.
Henny Youngman
Tags:
Me
Out
Been
My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out of bed, it's feet first!
Henny Youngman
Tags:
Time
You
About
